SATIRE: A message from Obama
A PAID POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT BY SEN. BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA (D- ILL)
My fellow Identity-Americans:
As your future president I want to thank my supporters, for your ...... well, support.
Your mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any legislative achievement, despite my affiliation with an all-black church and my pastor's relations with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator Mohamar Quadaffi, and despite my blatantly leftist voting record while I, at the same time, present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change for the good.
I admire how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behavior somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.
I would also like to thank the Kennedys for coming out in support of me. There's glamour behind the Kennedy name! It doesn't matter that JFK started the Vietnam War! It doesn't matter that his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King Jr.!! And it doesn't matter that brother Teddy was responsible for the death of a young girl!!!! The name has glamour! (I'm not going anywhere near the cousins, both literally and figuratively.)
And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the White House.
Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or achievement, but because I make people feel good. I can help misguided white Americans to be relieved of their imagined, racist guilt, and my black brothers and sisters can enjoy the advancement of one of their own. That's the reason to vote for a President!!
I say things that sound meaningful, but don't really mean anything, and people love it!! Because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think about them.
Americans are tired of thinking.
It's time! Shut down the brain, and open up the heart.
So when you go to vote in the primaries, remember don't think, just do.
And do it for me.
Thank You.
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